what should have been....

Well, tomorrow is the due date. Actually she had a few different dates. First it was November 27th, then Dec. 2nd and finally November 30th. M and I actually always went with the 2nd.
I am writing today because I don't think I will have it in me to write tomorrow. Too many things are going on right now. SIL is due basically any day now. With my luck, she will go into labor tomorrow. Who knows?
Well...it's been 4 months. Seems like forever ago but then it seems like it happened just yesterday. I still remember everything but then it all seems like a big blur. I miss her very much. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of what should have been. I don't know why this happened because I don't believe in a higher plan. I don't believe this happened for a reason. What was it for? To give M and I heartache everyday? We are good people who don't deserve this. Nor do any of my friends or family. My family has already been through this two other times. My niece, nephew, and Mary are all buried next to eachother. I just don't see the reason and NOBODY can tell me otherwise. I have no more patience nor tolerance for the insensitive, ignorant comments. People feel like they can tell me what they think....well, get ready to hear an earful from me.
I am just angry and hurt, everday. I have to still get up in the morning and come to a job I dread. I have to do everyday things but that's how I keep sane.
Mary,
We miss you everyday. I wish I was home with you. I wouldn't care if you wanted to keep me up all night...that's what I am here for. You were so pretty and tiny and loved.
Daddy and I will be by this weekend to bring you some flowers. It's very very hard to go there, but it means we are closer to you.

Please come into my dreams....

Love,
Momma and Daddy.