Happy 3 months baby...

well, it's not necessarily "happy" but it was three months ago today that we got to meet for the first and last time. You were a VERY pretty little girl and everyone said that you looked just like me when I was born. I think you would have ended up having red hair like me since you had some blonde to begin with but I have a feeling you would have had blue eyes like your grandpa. If only you could have stayed with me...I know we would have been best friends. Some people say that this was Gods plan but I don't believe that for a minute because you were MY plan. From the very first minute I found out about you...

HALLOWEEN!!

WE LOVE IT! and for those that might not know what the top pic is...that's M as Eazy-E. ;)

PSA to hospitals..

LOOK at the charts before you start asking questions. Yes, I had a baby in July but don't congratulate me and joke that the reason I am trying to get discharged so fast is because I want to get home to her. I would love to come home to her and see her nursery all done and just have that new baby smell. I would do a gallbladder removal over and over if that meant she was here when I got home. But she's not..she is alone in a cemetary and that kills me everyday. Also, it's RIGHT THERE on how many pregnancies I have had. Don't ask me...it's just...depressing.
The good thing about this hospital is that is has such an awesome Labor and Delivery, just a not so great outpatient area.
This is the last time I am going to a hospital, getting bloodwork, surgeries, etc. this year. Next year will be different.

He's so romantic....

It's the little things...

Dreams

I have had a few dreams about Mary. Either I am pregnant with her again or she's a baby, but a few months old. She is always blonde with light eyes. She is always smiling too. After she passed away I was selfish. I asked everyday for her to come back to me...that I would do anything. I asked God to just wake me up and make everything ok again...make this all a bad dream. I feel her around me everyday and talk to her. I tell her that I miss her and I know I shouldn't feel guilty, but there are times when I can't help it. Too many what if's...
Whenever I dream about her she is smiling so I kow that's good.

Macias Family

first post

Well, this is my first try at this.
Back story: M and I have been together for 7 years (today actually!) We got married on 5/3/08. Life with him has been wonderful. Of course we got our ups and downs..but we can get through anything. We have. We have been pregnant four times....and have no children at home. That is a hard thing to write. I have had three miscarriages, all in the first trimester.
On 3/26/09, I found out that we were pregnant again! I knew it was a girl right away, but I kept saying it was boy because I am never right about those things. Things were going ok...one minor scare, until 21 weeks. I was admitted to L & D and there for almost two weeks. Basically, I have a weak cervix and got a cerclage since I was dilated. Everything was ok after that and I was getting used to the idea of being on bedrest (hospital and at home) On July 30th, I got realy sick and dr.'s had to make the decision to deliver. It was basically me or her. M never left my side, he even stayed everynight with me. Mary Reyna Macias was born on 7/31/09 at 2:30 p.m. and passed away less then an hour later. She was light skinned like her mama and had little bit of blonde hair. She had M's nose and ears. We miss her everyday.