a very good Christmas

So, M and I got a great surprise on Christmas day. For a few days before that, I had been having back labor. wow....that is the worse pain EVER! I tried taking pain meds but ended up throwing most of it up. Most of Christmas day, I was ok. Some family came and I got a sweet Flip Cam from M. (just in time) But then that evening, the pain started again. A dr. came in and checked me one more time and I was dilating. Not a good thing with a cerclage. So, we made the decision to have the C section. It all happened so fast. I have heard horror stories about this surgery and was sooo nervous! The spinal didn't bother me. It was the waiting part. I felt like M was never going to come. He had to wait outside and he even said it felt like forever. But then...we heard the first cry. Man, these boys can scream. There were so many people in that room and I expected them to be rushed to the NICU. But, they were brought over to us and it was amazing.

Kimo Martin born at 10:17 p.m. 3 lbs 12 oz, 17 inches.

Nicholas Rey born at 10:19 p.m. 3 lbs 14 oz, 17 inches

I was 31 weeks when I gave birth so although I was still very early, they are doing very well. They both need help with the breathing once in awhile but are taking their feeds in like champs. All those wires and tubes are very intimidating. The first time I held Kimo, i was so nervous!! Then when I held Nicholas he has a CPAP machine, and I didn't think I could handle it. But we did ok. M held Kimo last night and he cried a bit. It made me so happy to see them together!

first two pics are Kimo and then it's Nicholas. ( I don't know why they are out of order)

Thankful

I love this picture. M looks so happy and I love his laugh. Plus, isn't he so handsome? This pic was taken about a month before Mary was born. It makes me happy and sad at the same time. I look at old pics before we lost her and we look like different people. But he's still such a happy guy. He looks at all the postive things in life when I am feeling down. He always makes me feel better. M is a wonderful person and I couldn't be happier he is in my life. These past few months have been pretty hard but he has been so strong and supportive.

I am thankful for him. Being away from him every night is so hard. All I want is to sleep next to him again. I know this is only temporary but it's so hard. I love him so much and this Thanksgiving I am thankful that a person like him loves me back.

bedrest

it's freakin hard. Well, I of course have been on bedrest since August. (literally the day of my cerclage)

My cervix just....sucks. Even with bedrest, it got shorter. On October 29th, the dr. called me at home and said he's admitting me to the hospital because he would just feel better and it's a precaution. So, as of today, I have been here for one whole, long month. As of two weeks ago, I no longer have a measurable cervix. The cerclage is the only thing holding it all together. M and I were already ready for it all be over at 23 weeks. But here I am....a month later and going into my 27th week. I am on meds to stop any contractions and am on COMPLETE bedrest. I haven't felt the floor in a month. :( I have my days where I just want to scream because I don't think I can take another day. But I will continue to do this for our boys. M has been amazing and comes every day and also spends the night on the weekends. So, that's where we are at and are praying for at least one more month.

Oh, and the pics above? I have to show them off because they are already so cute.

Belly pics

Huge, I know. And it feels even bigger. I haven't gained much weight...maybe 2 lbs. The weight of these boys is very uncomfortable but I love when they kick. My sister got me this pregnancy belt thingy so hopefully that relieves some pressure.

20 weeks

according to the babies size...we are at 20 weeks today. Halfway there. :)
Oh, and we had an ultrasound last week and we are having TWO BOYS. omg. That is crazy! M and I were in shock at first because I really thought it was one of each and he thought two girls! So, when the tech showed us, you can totally see that they are boys. Amazing. We both are very happy. I think deep down I also wanted a girl because with Mary, I loved the idea of having my girl. But I am just so happy that they are boys and healthy.
I will get more pics of my belly and the boys up soon. Still on bedrest and my cervix has gotten shorter, so the bedrest is even stricter. The pressure of two babies is sometimes unbearable. One of the boys is also kicking so low that it hurts. I am trying to get him to move back up but so far, he is staying in that position. Oh well.
We have been talking about names but have only settled on one because it's a family name. It's a surprise though until we decide on the second name.

Grief

Last year, about two weeks after Mary died, a wonderful person also went through the same thing. I have written about her before. Susan. I can't say enough good things about her. We have met up a few times but I wish we lived closer. We actually used to but didn't get a chance to meet up before she moved. I hate that we have to have this kind of grief in common.
Susan became pregnant again this year and was about 5-6 weeks ahead of me. I was SO looking forward to sharing this together. She was doing so well until almost 23 weeks. Then things just took a turn for a worse. Her little boy was born on September 26th and tried to fight, but didn't make it. When I got that text, M actually saw it first. I was in the other room and came in to ask him something. He was looking at my phone and when he looked up at me, I just knew. I had been waiting for an update and it had been a few hours already. I was hoping no news meant good news.
It's been a few days now and I just couldn't write anything yet. I didn't know what to say. I feel like it's last year all over again. My heart hurts for her and her family.
Susan,
I love you. I am here for you anytime you need me. I don't know why this happened. I don't know why bad things happen to such wonderful people. I have said this a hundred times, but if I weren't on bedrest, I would be there with you.
Rest in Peace Matthew Finley....sweet angel.

belly/baby pics

This is Baby A. Right when we were about to get a good pic, he/she decided to turn around and stretch out. This is the most active baby.



This is Baby B. He/she turned around and we got a great shot!

This is my lying down. Believe me, it looks much bigger standing up. :)

I had my cerclage this past Wednesday and everything went well. The dr. said my cervix even looked much better, so that's great news. I still have morning sickness but it's easier to deal with.

Being on bedrest is going to be long and hard, but it will all be worth it.