Bittersweet Dreams

I always ask Mary to come into my dreams and I am so happy when she does. I have dreamnt that I was pregnant again with her and that she was a baby...but walking! My girl was going to be a genius! ;)
But at the same time I have these dreams, it's hard because I have to wake up and remember she's gone.
I had a bad dream last night. Before I fell asleep, I was thinking of her and talking to her. I had a dream where we were at her funeral again but she was alive. My god...that breaks my heart to even say that. I was holdng her and she opened her eyes and was looking at me. I kept trying to tell everyone that she was ok but nobody would listen. I just held her and smelled her skin and hair. I didn't want to let her go. That happened right before her actual funeral. M and I dressed her and put her in her casket. We were alone in a room and I picked her up and just held her. M was worried because I wouldn't let her go. It might sound morbid to some but she is my daughter and this was the last time I would be able to do this. I just hugged her and told her I was sorry. I just wanted to stay in that room forever. Just the three of us...