Dreams

wow, they can be pretty vivid. I will wake up from them and think it's still happening and be all confused.
I have dreamnt about Mary before, but the last few weeks I have had some bad dreams. But then again, they are good because she is there. I had a dream last night where she was lying on the bed and talked to me! She looked a little bigger but it was her. She asked for a bottle and when I went to get it she said that she wanted to go to sleep. I leave the room and come back, but she is gone. And I am pregnant again. But it was like I was going to go through it all over again. I woke up very upset because it was just a dream and I couldn't see her anymore. I also was upset because I think what if it happens again? When will everything finally be ok?
I think I am dreaming more about her because her birthday is next week. From July 20th on, it's going to be hard. There were so many things going on last year at that time that I don't know how to deal with it all.
Sometimes I don't understand why this all happened. What did I do? I am a good person darn it. M is a wonderful man. How can we be so young and have gone through all of this? I feel like it really aged us.
I hope next week isn't too hard on us.