Mothers Day

Well, it's almost here. Honestly, I am sick of this "holiday." I am so lucky to have my mom. She is a wonderful woman and I talk to her everyday.
But...8 years of this heartache. Seriously.
8 years, 4 pregnancies, no children. Some family give me cards and little trinkets, but I asked them to please not get me anything this year. The last few years have been hard on M and myself, but this time last year? Well, it was different. I was about 9 weeks or so and it was wonderful. I celebrated and not just on Mothers Day. I know I am a mother. I know I had my girl. But damn it...I thought this year I would be really celebrating. I would have had my girl with me. I don't want to do anything this year. I want to be left alone but I know that's almost a little selfish. Of course, I am going to see my mom and M's mom but it's going to be hard. After we see them, I don't get to come home and have a great day with my little family. I am going to the cemetery to visit my girl. This year is going to be so hard, it almost feels impossible that a person can handle this much pain and sorrow.