Well, it's almost here. I won't be home much this weekend so I thought I should post something now.
M is doing pretty well but it will be hard on Sunday. I am taking him to brunch and a movie. We are probably going to go visit my dad but then just spend the rest of the day together. I also want to take Mary some flowers but I don't know how M will feel about that. I mean, of course he wants to go see her but on this particular day? It's going to be just so sad. I couldn't even go on Mothers Day. M's dad lives kind of far so I don't think we will go over there. Plus, his Stepmom and her mother always make the dumbest comments. M and I can only handle so much. But I still hope Sunday is going to be a good day for him. It just breaks my heart that this isn't a better year for him. I am hoping I have some great news coming up in the next couple weeks. ;)
On a happier note, I am taking my 7 year old niece to see Toy Story 3 tomorrow. omg...I love those movies and I can't wait. We have an awesome time together but I do wish I could spend more time with her. She is a really smart kid and cracks me up all the time. I have loved her from the moment I heard her first cry when she was born. Oh, I would take my nephew too but he is crazy! Plus, I can only handle one at a time. lol! He gets a date with me next weekend.
Anyway....Happy Fathers Day my love. You are an awesome Daddy and I knew you were going to be from the moment you saw that positive test. When you held our girl for the first time, it was one of the happiest moments of my life. You loved our girl from the first time you laid eyes on her and she loved you.
Things will get better honey...I promise.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
working out
M and I went to the gym again for the first time in forever. I actually like going, once we get there. It's the GETTING there part. Ugh. I am freakin tired when I get home dang it. But the hour or so that I waste lying down or on the computer, watching TV, I could be working out. I am getting my ass back in shape. I also start my yoga class on Wednesday. I am excited and nervous about that one. I used to do yoga all the time when I danced, but that was like 10 years ago! I am going to look like a fool but that's ok because I am sure those other girls all started out that way.
I also found out today my thyroid is out of whack. I need to see my primary care dr. soon. I am going to first try to regulate it with losing some weight and eating A LOT better. It's just a big bummer because this one thing could be causing so many of my current issues. But I plan on changing that too. :)
I also found out today my thyroid is out of whack. I need to see my primary care dr. soon. I am going to first try to regulate it with losing some weight and eating A LOT better. It's just a big bummer because this one thing could be causing so many of my current issues. But I plan on changing that too. :)
Thursday, June 3, 2010
It's June?!
wth?! Time just passes by. How is next month going to be one year? My girl would be one year old. Now I am not going to get into the whole adjusted age thing...that's too much to think about and frankly bums me out even more. Her birthday is July 31st and she was born at 2:30 p.m. Thank God her birthday is on a Saturday...I wouldn't be able to deal at work and can't really take time off right now.
I am going to get her the prettiest balloons and flowers and take some cupcakes. Although I don't leave them there...I don't want ants! I love her stone so much. A lot of people ask what the word on it means. It's Hawaiian and the meaning is "beloved child who is looked upon with pride and love."
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
10 months
Although I am a day late. I really didn't even go on the internet at all this weekend.
We had a nice relaxing holiday weekend. Saturday was a birthday party and Sunday we bbq'ed at my dads. Then we went to my cousins house and drank a little TOO much, playing quarters and high card/low card. haha!
But yesterday was the 31st. I actually didn't even realize it until later in the day. I was dusting in the living room and got up to get something...then it hit me. I didn't say anything to M because I am sure he realizes it too. I just kept cleaning and going about my day. When I walked into our closet to put some stuff away, I looked up at her book but I didn't bring it down. I just thought to myself, "hello baby...I miss you." I still think about her EVERYDAY. Not one day goes by that I don't and of course, the pain and grief is still there. It's just not as bad as it was last year, when I couldn't even stand up. When all I wanted to do was lay in bed and cry and hold her bear.
But I am doing better and that's all I need to be right now.
We had a nice relaxing holiday weekend. Saturday was a birthday party and Sunday we bbq'ed at my dads. Then we went to my cousins house and drank a little TOO much, playing quarters and high card/low card. haha!
But yesterday was the 31st. I actually didn't even realize it until later in the day. I was dusting in the living room and got up to get something...then it hit me. I didn't say anything to M because I am sure he realizes it too. I just kept cleaning and going about my day. When I walked into our closet to put some stuff away, I looked up at her book but I didn't bring it down. I just thought to myself, "hello baby...I miss you." I still think about her EVERYDAY. Not one day goes by that I don't and of course, the pain and grief is still there. It's just not as bad as it was last year, when I couldn't even stand up. When all I wanted to do was lay in bed and cry and hold her bear.
But I am doing better and that's all I need to be right now.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Hope
I follow a lot of other blogs, especially those that have had losses. Actually before I was even pregnant with Mary, I followed them. M never understood why but it was almost like I had to see their happy ending. After I had Mary, I had to know if there would be that glimmer of hope for me too.
There is one blog in particular that I have followed for quite awhile now...a couple of years. After I had my second miscarriage at 12 weeks, a friend told me about thebump.com. I am still there. :) Those girls have been there for me on my darkest days and I have actually met a few already in person, who have become great friends and talk to almost daily. I am even meeting the one who pointed me in the direction of the bump this week! (Staycee! can't wait! We planned our weddings together!) Well, after reading some of their blogs back in the day I came across one that just broke my heart. But this woman was so strong I used to wonder how does she do it? She writes with such honesty and it's like she is saying what I am thinking when it came to our losses. Her sweet boy passed away when she was 36 weeks and she has struggled for quite some time with infertility.
When she became pregnant this last time, I just thought...please let her have her happy ending.
Well...she did. This past weekend she had a beautiful little girl. I was at Stateline (trying to win my money back! ha!) on Saturday and she went into labor and had the baby. Sunday morning I was online and thought I would check the blog and my heart just about jumped out of my chest when I saw the news!
This person in particular just gives me hope....and I have never even met her. How do we come out of the depths of darkness and see the light? How do we keep on going? We just do. We have to be strong. And just look at the rewards that come into our life. :)
Oh, and her blog is http://lunardreams.net/baby/
That is one beautiful family. Congrats Natalie and family!
There is one blog in particular that I have followed for quite awhile now...a couple of years. After I had my second miscarriage at 12 weeks, a friend told me about thebump.com. I am still there. :) Those girls have been there for me on my darkest days and I have actually met a few already in person, who have become great friends and talk to almost daily. I am even meeting the one who pointed me in the direction of the bump this week! (Staycee! can't wait! We planned our weddings together!) Well, after reading some of their blogs back in the day I came across one that just broke my heart. But this woman was so strong I used to wonder how does she do it? She writes with such honesty and it's like she is saying what I am thinking when it came to our losses. Her sweet boy passed away when she was 36 weeks and she has struggled for quite some time with infertility.
When she became pregnant this last time, I just thought...please let her have her happy ending.
Well...she did. This past weekend she had a beautiful little girl. I was at Stateline (trying to win my money back! ha!) on Saturday and she went into labor and had the baby. Sunday morning I was online and thought I would check the blog and my heart just about jumped out of my chest when I saw the news!
This person in particular just gives me hope....and I have never even met her. How do we come out of the depths of darkness and see the light? How do we keep on going? We just do. We have to be strong. And just look at the rewards that come into our life. :)
Oh, and her blog is http://lunardreams.net/baby/
That is one beautiful family. Congrats Natalie and family!
Back to the gym
ugh. ::sighs and stomps foot:: Let's just get all that out now, k?
Ok...so I feel huge. I have no energy and really don't want to go. But honestly...after I work out I feel a ton better. M is great to work out with, he really motivates me and keeps me going. Before we got married, my dress was feeling a little tight. So, we used to go to the gym, but also go to the park and work out. Not just a run around the track...oh no. This guy used to set up orange traffic cones and make me run around them and do obstacle courses! Holy shit, he kicked my butt! I lost almost 15 lbs though! I also had to give up alcohol and was on a stricter diet. This is basically what we are doing now, except for the alcohol. Sorry, but once in awhile (mostly on the weekends) I need a beer or two.
Ok...so I feel huge. I have no energy and really don't want to go. But honestly...after I work out I feel a ton better. M is great to work out with, he really motivates me and keeps me going. Before we got married, my dress was feeling a little tight. So, we used to go to the gym, but also go to the park and work out. Not just a run around the track...oh no. This guy used to set up orange traffic cones and make me run around them and do obstacle courses! Holy shit, he kicked my butt! I lost almost 15 lbs though! I also had to give up alcohol and was on a stricter diet. This is basically what we are doing now, except for the alcohol. Sorry, but once in awhile (mostly on the weekends) I need a beer or two.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
New doctor...new plan.
I met with a new ob/gyn last night. ( Dr. F) I love the current one I have and this visit was basically to get a referral to see a specialist. We know I am not ovulating. I think this has always been one of the problems, but it doesn't seem to be happening every month. Otherwise, how did I get pregnant all those other times?
So, Dr. F was really nice and answered all my questions. Is it just me or is it standard to wait over an hour at a doctors office? Sheesh. Half of the girls in the office had a book, I Pod, or were playing with their phones. I had my I Pod but need to remember to bring a book....and a snack! Good grief, I was starving!
Anyway, my regular ob sent Dr. F all my medical records and let me tell you, it was a HUGE file. Dr. F was like, damn...that's a lot and I haven't even finished going through it all. So, we went over some medical history and basically he said that I need to get on Clomid once I start AF. (if that ever comes) My cycles are really irregular now. But I am going to start those meds and then get some more bloodwork done. He said he wants to do everything different and I am going to be so closely monitored that I am going to get sick of him. I haven't decided yet if I am going to stay with him or my other OB, because they do basically have the same plan. M is ok with whatever I want. He thinks I need a fresh start though so I might just stay with Dr. F.
The one thing Dr. F did ask is if I have gained any weight since last year and giving birth. Well, yeah...I have. :( He said that COULD also be preventing things so just to keep that in mind. I am and that's why we are at the gym now and eating better. Well, except for last night. We had chinese food. What? Although seeing the dr. and getting a new plan might seem great, it still sucks. I am starting all over with problems to begin with and going to a new dr. that is right next door to the other one brings back to many memories. I needed some comfort food.
So, Dr. F was really nice and answered all my questions. Is it just me or is it standard to wait over an hour at a doctors office? Sheesh. Half of the girls in the office had a book, I Pod, or were playing with their phones. I had my I Pod but need to remember to bring a book....and a snack! Good grief, I was starving!
Anyway, my regular ob sent Dr. F all my medical records and let me tell you, it was a HUGE file. Dr. F was like, damn...that's a lot and I haven't even finished going through it all. So, we went over some medical history and basically he said that I need to get on Clomid once I start AF. (if that ever comes) My cycles are really irregular now. But I am going to start those meds and then get some more bloodwork done. He said he wants to do everything different and I am going to be so closely monitored that I am going to get sick of him. I haven't decided yet if I am going to stay with him or my other OB, because they do basically have the same plan. M is ok with whatever I want. He thinks I need a fresh start though so I might just stay with Dr. F.
The one thing Dr. F did ask is if I have gained any weight since last year and giving birth. Well, yeah...I have. :( He said that COULD also be preventing things so just to keep that in mind. I am and that's why we are at the gym now and eating better. Well, except for last night. We had chinese food. What? Although seeing the dr. and getting a new plan might seem great, it still sucks. I am starting all over with problems to begin with and going to a new dr. that is right next door to the other one brings back to many memories. I needed some comfort food.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)