Fathers Day

Well, it's almost here. I won't be home much this weekend so I thought I should post something now.
M is doing pretty well but it will be hard on Sunday. I am taking him to brunch and a movie. We are probably going to go visit my dad but then just spend the rest of the day together. I also want to take Mary some flowers but I don't know how M will feel about that. I mean, of course he wants to go see her but on this particular day? It's going to be just so sad. I couldn't even go on Mothers Day. M's dad lives kind of far so I don't think we will go over there. Plus, his Stepmom and her mother always make the dumbest comments. M and I can only handle so much. But I still hope Sunday is going to be a good day for him. It just breaks my heart that this isn't a better year for him. I am hoping I have some great news coming up in the next couple weeks. ;)
On a happier note, I am taking my 7 year old niece to see Toy Story 3 tomorrow. omg...I love those movies and I can't wait. We have an awesome time together but I do wish I could spend more time with her. She is a really smart kid and cracks me up all the time. I have loved her from the moment I heard her first cry when she was born. Oh, I would take my nephew too but he is crazy! Plus, I can only handle one at a time. lol! He gets a date with me next weekend.

Anyway....Happy Fathers Day my love. You are an awesome Daddy and I knew you were going to be from the moment you saw that positive test. When you held our girl for the first time, it was one of the happiest moments of my life. You loved our girl from the first time you laid eyes on her and she loved you.
Things will get better honey...I promise.

working out

M and I went to the gym again for the first time in forever. I actually like going, once we get there. It's the GETTING there part. Ugh. I am freakin tired when I get home dang it. But the hour or so that I waste lying down or on the computer, watching TV, I could be working out. I am getting my ass back in shape. I also start my yoga class on Wednesday. I am excited and nervous about that one. I used to do yoga all the time when I danced, but that was like 10 years ago! I am going to look like a fool but that's ok because I am sure those other girls all started out that way.
I also found out today my thyroid is out of whack. I need to see my primary care dr. soon. I am going to first try to regulate it with losing some weight and eating A LOT better. It's just a big bummer because this one thing could be causing so many of my current issues. But I plan on changing that too. :)

It's June?!

wth?! Time just passes by. How is next month going to be one year? My girl would be one year old. Now I am not going to get into the whole adjusted age thing...that's too much to think about and frankly bums me out even more. Her birthday is July 31st and she was born at 2:30 p.m. Thank God her birthday is on a Saturday...I wouldn't be able to deal at work and can't really take time off right now.

I am going to get her the prettiest balloons and flowers and take some cupcakes. Although I don't leave them there...I don't want ants! I love her stone so much. A lot of people ask what the word on it means. It's Hawaiian and the meaning is "beloved child who is looked upon with pride and love."

10 months

Although I am a day late. I really didn't even go on the internet at all this weekend.
We had a nice relaxing holiday weekend. Saturday was a birthday party and Sunday we bbq'ed at my dads. Then we went to my cousins house and drank a little TOO much, playing quarters and high card/low card. haha!
But yesterday was the 31st. I actually didn't even realize it until later in the day. I was dusting in the living room and got up to get something...then it hit me. I didn't say anything to M because I am sure he realizes it too. I just kept cleaning and going about my day. When I walked into our closet to put some stuff away, I looked up at her book but I didn't bring it down. I just thought to myself, "hello baby...I miss you." I still think about her EVERYDAY. Not one day goes by that I don't and of course, the pain and grief is still there. It's just not as bad as it was last year, when I couldn't even stand up. When all I wanted to do was lay in bed and cry and hold her bear.
But I am doing better and that's all I need to be right now.